Saturday, October 4, 2025

THE SMASHING MACHINE

There are two movies out right now that I wanted to see, both of which star actors I'm not particularly into. Leonardo DiCaprio and The Rock. Leo I don't really like because I just don't think he's a particularly great actor. I think he's fine, but just fine. Yet, he seems to think he's someone impressive, and that bugs me. Also, Dwane The Rock Johnson, whom I liked and supported quite a lot up until the whole Black Adam fiasco kind of sent him into a spiral of being super uncool.

So the first movie is The Smashing Machine, starring Dwayne Johnson as Mark Kerr, a mixed martial arts fighter. I don't follow MMA, UFC, or any of that. It doesn't do a single thing for me to see people hurting each other.

However, for a long part of my experience as a fan of The Rock in movies, I've wanted him to do something meaty, risky, and vulnerable. This was definitely that, and I'm HERE for it. Get that Oscar Dwayne! I really hope this turns things around for him, in terms of his image at the moment. And I also hope he doesn't do something obnoxious like run for president.

The movie itself is fantastic. I found myself consistently enthralled with what was happening. Whether it was watching the very weird-looking transformation Dwayne made to play Mark, or just watching the tense way it was filmed, as though you're right in the middle of it, getting covered in sweat and blood and spit and flying teeth.

Also, any movie that sets a pivotal scene to Jungleland by Springsteen is A-OKAY in my book.

HONEY DON'T!

So, I had a weird relationship with Ethan Cohen's previous film, Drive Away Dolls. I found it difficult to get eye level with. It felt like it wasn't sure what kind of movie it wanted to be. It wasn't until the second time I watched it that I realized it was I who needed to adjust my expectations, rather than the movie needing to be tightened up to fit into my narrow idea of what a movie can be. Or something. Either way, I liked it more the second time I saw it, once I was willing to give it a little more slack to be weird and to try different stuff, even if it didn't all land for me.

THAT said, Honey Don't! on the other hand, is delightful right out of the gate. First of all, it's a modern noir set in Southern California, which is pretty much my favorite kind of movie. Second, Margaret Qualley is wonderful as the lead, Honey O'Donahue, who uses a goofy transatlantic detective voice that is so endearing. Third, it felt like an actual Coen Brother made this movie... a horny, unrestrained Coen Brother and his lesbian wife made this movie, and I really think they did a great job with it. I would absolutely love it if they made more Honey movies — a whole series of them, like the Fletch books. Hell, I wish they'd make them into books. I'd totally read them. I'd write them. Damn it. How do I pitch that?

I've decided to be more open about Ethan Coen's sudden interest in graphic lesbian sex in movies. At first, I found it a bit off-putting. Not because I don't like graphic lesbian sex (au contraire!) but for the same reason I don't care to see a bunch of shots of women's feet in Tarantino's movies. But once I realized the man is just making what he wants to see, and it happens to be what I want to see, so what's the problem? We're all just digging on watching ladies doin' it. It's the one thing we can all agree is great.

Alright, on that note, I'm going to skidaddle. SEE YA LATER, SUCKAS