Friday, September 12, 2025

THE LONG WALK

So I saw two movies this weekend. The first was Spinal Tap 2, which I'll get to in a bit. The second was the long-awaited adaptation of Stephen King's first novel, The Long Walk, which he published under the name Richard Bachman.

In short, it takes place after some vague American war, whether that was a civil war or an international conflict, isn't said, but it's apparently decimated the USA. So much so that they feel compelled to hold a televised contest, where a young man representing each state walks along a road in (naturally) Maine without stopping. If a contestant falls below 3 mph, they get a warning, three warnings, and they "get their ticket," which means a bullet through the head.

For a long time, I maintained that The Long Walk was my favorite King story. It's a quick, tense, mean-spirited, and nihilistic story about America taken to its ultimate end. Like a lot of what King wrote around this time (The Running Man, The Stand, Firestarter, The Dead Zone), it's a fairly critical look at American exceptionalism, toxic masculinity, and the ways that rampant capitalism and jingoistic American pride can be fantastically bad for people.

The film, which I've been waiting for for most of my life, is about as close to a perfect adaptation as you could ask for. It takes all of the message of the original story, distills and infuses it with some extra heart and compassion for the characters, and gets you invested in watching somewhere in the neighborhood of 50 kids being executed. It doesn't shy away from graphic violence, nor should it. These are very grounded characters, and when they die, you feel it. It's shocking and upsetting, and it challenges you, just as it challenges the contestants of The Long Walk, to not become hardened or desensitized to the deaths.

If the message of The Hunger Games wasn't explicitly stated enough, the intent of this movie is pretty clear. To quote David Lynch, fix your hearts or die. It's anti-fascist, anti-capiolist, anti-establishment, and basically the perfect movie for our times. It challenges us to examine our systems and ask whether this is how we truly want to live.

I genuinely believe that this movie could not have been made before now. While the premise apparently isn't too far-fetched, most people wouldn't realize just how close we are to this being reality.

The stars of the movie, Cooper Hoffman and David Jonsson, are incredible. Especially Jonsson. That guy is going to be a huge star and deserves to be with that talent.

I'll be watching this one again. It's really good.

Now onto something that's not really good.

SPINAL TAP 2: THE END CONTINUES

I've been a huge fan of the movie This is Spinal Tap since I was a kid. The music is fantastic, the comedy is incredible, and the performances are top-notch. Over the years, the fellas in Spinal Tap (Harry Shearer, Michael McKean, and Christopher Guest) have tried a few times to recapture some of that lightning in a bottle, with mixed results.

While I appreciate that they tried to do something big with this movie, it didn't FEEL big. It felt like an elderly improv group bumbling their way through a weird and somewhat awkward performance. Which it was. The jokes don't really work as well when you're bringing along a parade of cameos, all in on the bit. It feels more like an obligatory visit with grandma than a hilarious comedy movie.

That's not saying that it isn't funny, but it's not This is Spinal Tap funny. It's DVD extra funny. It's deleted scenes funny. It's a comedy central made for TV movie funny. It's not go to the theater and piss yourself laughing funny though, which is what I wanted. If this is the last we hear from Spinal Tap, I'll be disappointed, but I'll also acknowledge that it's probably for the best.

Last but not to be the least, we're moving!

We got notice at the end of last month that our landlord wants to make our home (a rented basement apartment) into their personal gym/office, so we'd need to vacate.

Luckily, we found an incredible place that's almost twice as big as our current apartment, for not a whole lot more money. It's very exciting. We were pretty shaken up at first, and really upset, but now that it's happening, I'm just excited for the change. We've been at our current place for 16 years, which is the longest I've ever lived anywhere, by a lot. I'll have an office that will double as a media room, equipped with a projector and screen for movies and video games, as well as my computer and drafting table.

It's gonna be awesome.

Alright, that's it for now. Thanks for reading!